#684: Paperpatch

When small but visible regions of one’s textured wallpaper get damaged, it is usually painful to have to consider repapering an entire room.

Today’s invention delays the redecoration work by attempting to repair the texture of (monochrome) paper.

A textured surface, A, has sustained a small region of damage, B. A (lightly-greased) matrix of fine rods, C, is then pressed into contact with an undamaged region of texture, so as to take up its surface profile. C is then wedged in place over the offending hole in the paper and a papier-mache pulp (D, in blue) is squeezed through a small gap in the matrix. This can then be repainted conveniently when the pulp hardens and the matrix is removed.

This approach might be obviously adopted for the repair of a range of other textured surfaces.

#683: Insole-ators

Armies tend to get equipped with felt overboots every time their local megalomaniac decides it’s a good idea to pick a fight with Russia (The French army still gets these issued with only a single word of explanation: “Moscow”).

Standing on a Northern railway platform recently, I was reminded of these facts, whilst also thinking that wet leather is a surprisingly good thermal conductor of heat from my feet to the frozen ground.

Rather than go with felt, though, I thought that it would be good to stand on two vacuum flasks.

Today’s invention is a clip-on sole for shoes containing two, flat ‘vacuum’ chambers; one for the forefoot and one for the heel. Each of these chambers would have a thin outer wall made of fibreglass, to sustain the low internal pressure, whilst also minimising the conduction of heat from foot to floor.

#682: SharpShield

Stabbing attacks on e.g. police officers and other public-facing staff are particularly hard to defend against. Even bulletproof clothing can be punctured by a sharp knife.

It’s possible to wear a vest which can withstand a sharp point, but the pressure generated at the tip of a knife blade is enormous and the appropriate protective clothing becomes too bulky to be comfortable.

Today’s invention is a new configuration of shielding consisting of a continuous, flexible sheet of concave hexagons, moulded in tough plastic. When a knife point slams into this surface, it will tend to deflect into the base of the nearest concavity. Each dip contains an embedded metal ring (yellow) which locates the point and spreads its impact across neighbouring ‘cells’, without ever allowing the point to penetrate to the person underneath (pink).

#681: Zipouches

I like to carry my things in some kind of coat, leaving my hands free. I find it helpful to have a single pocket for storing items like my keys, my wallet, phone etc, rather than have them roll around in the same one.

Today’s invention is a coat on the inside of which is a set of short, horizontal zips. To each of these a detachable pocket, from a range of sizes, can be zipped: one pocket for each object being carried.

This allows a selection to be made of what things to take each day, enables e.g. one’s phone to be carried where the user chooses, provides for flexibility if one wants to change one’s wallet position occasionally for security and still manages to stop keys from committing ipodicide.

This idea doesn’t yet extend to a laptop, but I’d really like to be able to buy a modular machine with wires between elements, each of which would be stored in its own ventilated zip-in pocket (which would also distribute the weight much more effectively than any shoulder strap).

#680: Tinetune

It’s always hard to get the attention of waiting staff in a restaurant. You may need to place an order fast or get the bill and leave, but they need to keep an eye on other tables too.

Today’s invention is a way to effectively gain their attention, without any impatient finger snapping or having to stage-whisper ‘Excuse me’ three or four times.

It consists of a table fork, the handle end of which acts as a tuning fork (this would need to be made so as to clearly indicate that that end wasn’t for picking up food).

When the non-foody end is plucked and the foody end applied to the plate surface, a pleasant, pure musical tone is emitted -attracting the attention of the appropriate waiter (each fork would have a perceptibly different note).

#679: Facebank

I was reading today about a Glasgow inventor who has created a software technique for visualising plastic surgery when it’s still at the planning stage for an individual.

It occurred to me that this includes an element of guesswork that could be lessened.

Today’s invention is to store a 3-D scan of everyone‘s face who is involved in hazardous activities eg the armed forces, motor racing, emergency services etc. If they sustain serious facial injury, there will at least be a ‘before’ image which might help a surgeon understand what the end result of reconstructive surgery should attempt to be.

#678: Headfeeder

Drill bits and screwdriver heads seem to disappear from my toolbox all the time.

Today’s invention is a way to ensure that I have to return each head (or blade) to the toolbox before grabbing the next one.

A transparent soft plastic magazine holds all my screwdriver heads -except the one which is currently in the screwdriver itself. To get a new head, I have no choice but to extract the one which is in the screwdriver and press it into the correct side of the magazine to squeeze out whichever new head is required.

This might easily be extended to any system of replaceable elements which is used one at a time.

#677: Griphone

Today’s invention is a mobile phone which needs no battery replacement. Instead, the clamshell design is made robust enough to act as a grip exerciser: the kind that squash players use, consisting of two handles which are sprung apart.

The halves of the clamshell would be similarly sprung apart (when not in the closed position). In between calls, a sporty user could repeatedly (and probably ostentatiously) squeeze them together and thus store enough energy to charge the internal battery.

Less sporty users could place the phone on the ground and press on it with their foot a few hundred times, in the manner of someone inflating an air mattress.

#676: Dooringer

When someone comes to my door late at night they may find themselves ringing the bell and waking everyone in the house.

Today’s invention is a doorbell which works out if the time of their arrival is after bedtime and if so, pressing the bell makes a call to my mobile phone (which would automatically set itself to discreet ‘buzz’ mode at my regular bedtime).

Different patterns of bell pressing (indicated on a small sign on the door), could call different individuals’ phones…without saying to the putative visitor anything about who is in or out, or supplying them directly with any resident’s mobile number.

#675: Closecall

It often happens that I get a call (or text) to my mobile from someone I’m only metres away from. If I’m the one making the attempt at electronic communication it’s particularly annoying because it costs me a frightening amount to get connected -even if only for long enough to say “hi, where are you, oh I see you now.”

Today’s invention is a cellphone application which works out if the caller and intended receiver are within visual range (or at least within the same cell). Instead of making the call, the phone could simply issue a warning “YOU ARE NEAR THIS PERSON’S PHONE, STILL WANT TO CALL?”

Pressing ‘cancel’ would then offer the opportunity for the phone to say the name of the person repeatedly until the meeting occurs (people hear their own name effectively even in a noisy crowd). This would be particularly useful to those benighted drivers sent to pick up Mr Unspellable from International Arrivals, armed only with a small cardboard sign.