#664: Virtualviews

I really like the idea of staying out of the sun. For some reason, I can only see properly in low light levels, so I was perfectly happy living in a flat underground at Oxford Circus for an entire year (I occasionally went outside to lectures and to barter with the natives for supplies, of course).

Today’s invention is for my fellow troglodytes. Imagine a column of simulated windows, in the form of computer displays, on the wall behind a lift. Containing no real windows, the wall would thus provide greatly enhanced heat insulation and physical security.

Each of computer-driven screens would show a different view of the same scene, taking into account the change in perspective during the ascent. The images (e.g. beautiful parkland or idyllic beach, albeit with natural light levels somewhat muted) could even be made to darken appropriately as the day wears on.

#663: Dazzleplates

Driving over the speed limit is always just plain wrong.

Having said that, populating the countryside with speed cameras (or ‘safety cameras’ as they are being euphemistically redubbed) fills me with concern.

As I understand it, it’s illegal to obscure one’s numberplate in any way. Today’s invention offers a low-cost way to avoid having your car’s movements identified automatically, without obscuring or defacing your plates.

Three number plates are fitted on top of each other at both ends of the vehicle, so that the front one is correctly fixed, but the other two are free to rotate about opposite corner screws, as shown. The rear two are hacked about so as to present an irregularly-shaped, low contrast background to the numbers and letters.

Numberplate recognition software therefore has a real problem, since it is based on locating regular rectangular plates rapidly enough to allow that region to be searched for characters. This makes the plates, with visually-disrupted outlines, only identifiable by officers of the law, not machines.

#662: Showshield

Although someone I discussed this with recently claimed they had already got one of these, I think we must have been at cross purposes, since I can’t seem to find it anywhere online.

There is an understandable urge to escape the boring silver/ grey/ black laptop casings which have been the norm since the technology became available. So, you can now buy laptops in any colour you like or with reproductions of artwork in the form of sticky decals.

Today’s invention consists of a hard, transparent plastic sheet which clips neatly to the outside surface of the lid on one’s favourite portable computer. This would allow a sheet of paper, bearing eg a drawing by one’s child, a photoprint of one’s loved one or a scene from your latest trip to Clacton to be inserted behind it. This would maintain a nice shiny exterior, protect the lid itself and allow the images to be frequently changed.

#661: Patinapaint

Spray painting vehicles has been an automated, ie computer-controlled, process for over thirty years. Great efforts are made to ensure consistent, uniform-looking painted surfaces.

Today’s invention is a way to invert that emphasis and provide eg motor vehicles with the same kind of subtle patina, from new, as say stonewashed jeans.

A computer-controlled spray gun would adjust, in a continuous way, the relative amounts of matt and gloss paint being applied to a bodyshell. Planar regions would be matt-er, sharply curved regions shinier. This would give an interesting impression of wear by contact with high-speed streamlines, for example.

It would also be possible, given the usual CAD model of the surfaces involved, to apply a different level of shine corresponding to the general local curvature properties. This might even enable cars to be formed using simple (ie cheaper) geometry, but whose appearance could be made more convoluted and ‘characterful’ just by painting (a little like blusher on cheekbones).

#660: Tracklets

Various off-road vehicles are now being equipped with rubber tracks rather than the traditional multi-link metal ones that have been around since 1916 or so.

This offers many advantages such as reduced roadwear and noise but today’s invention takes things a step further. The vehicles would have multiple wheel units which would allow them still to move if one was damaged. The rubber tracks would each be moulded in a single loop, with no joints. A number of these loops would be carried on the exterior of the vehicle (possibly compressed flat).

When a track needed replaced, the wheels on its unit would be spun to shed any remnants and the vehicle driven to a fresh patch of ground. A track loop would be dumped off the back and made to stand on its tread. Some wheels on the unshod unit would be drawn in radially and the vehicle skewed so that they enter the central space like fingers fitting inside a bracelet. The wheels would then be expanded to locate the rubber track on their rims.

Many track loops could be carried and vehicles could even swap loops rapidly -without occupants ever having to dismount.

#659: ‘Podtop

Even though laptops are supposed to rest on a user’s lap, there are often times when they actually get used on the hoof…standing holding the machine or perching it on some ledge, whilst entering or presenting data.

Today’s invention is simply to equip laptops with a standard tripod mount (of the kind that cameras routinely have). This would enable more people to make effective use of their machines in areas where sitting down is just not possible (eg building sites or on factory floors). Magnesium alloy chassis are strong enough to mount security hasps and so providing an extra, near-central threaded hole would not be a major problem for manufacturing.

A lightweight tripod could be carried without much extra effort in a standard laptop rucksack. Careful design would allow the laptop and collapsed tripod to remain attached within the bag for rapid deployment on site.

#658: Ungraving

Every pub quiz or office bowls competition these days has to have its prizes. Too often, these take the form of cups which are presented without any mention of the competition title or the recipient’s name. The cost of having such trophies professionally engraved is actually much higher than buying the metalware in the first place.

Today’s invention is a generic trophy made with a slot at the front to accommodate a small LCD display -just like the cheap ones fitted to everyday calculators and watches. This would have its keypad located on the base of the cup, allowing entry of the required details for display.

I’d also suggest having someone with a genuine aesthetic sense undertake the initial redesign: typical sports club cups are just uber-ghastly.

#657: WindDisc

The CD player in many computers is becoming increasingly redundant…at the same time as concerns grow about these machines overheating.

Today’s invention is a CD with no playable content but which has radial slots which allow segments to be twisted slightly out of the plane of the disc, to form fan blades.

When this disc is in place, the CD drive motor is run in response to internal temperature increases.

#656: StillScreen

When your balance system and visual system don’t agree about what’s happening, the brain apparently comes to the conclusion that one of them is hallucinating; perhaps due to having been poisoned. Time to ransack the glove compartment for that waxed paper bag.

Even when sitting still, I can get ‘motion’ sickness simply playing a computer game or watching a ‘movie’ that moves in the ‘wrong’ way on a screen. Today’s invention is a way to combat such nausea.

DVD players, games machines and computer screens in general would be equipped with a key sequence which would allow the viewer to reduce the active screen area to about half its normal size, leaving a textured, static border around the scaled-down imagery.

Suddenly having peripheral vision filled with a substantial, fixed frame would emphasise the message that a screen was being viewed. This would greatly lessen the influence of the signal sent by the eyes saying “the world is moving, but the vestibular organs claim it’s not.” Although the immersive realism would be temporarily diminished, this would also reduce any tendency to feel ill and could be instantly removed when the offending sequence was over.

#655: Shockshield

I’m greatly impressed by systems such as this which can park the heads of a dropped laptop’s hard disk before it hits the deck.

Today’s invention is a technology with a different operating principle, but similar objective. The mantis shrimp is a marine creature which clubs its prey so fast that the impact generates a tiny spark of light. This phenomenon of sonoluminescence might be used by engineered systems to automatically protect themselves from the effects of impact.

Imagine eg a laptop dropped onto a hard surface. It could be equipped with a fine, water filled conduit connecting the corners (ie regions of high impact probability). On contact with a hard surface, photodetectors would register any luminescence and switch off sensitive internal systems before the solid- transmitted shock wave would have time to pass through them. This system would work without having to sense any sudden accelerations (except, indirectly, the crash itself).