Category: Whimsical inventions

People often have dogs as deterrents against burglary. Large dogs, however, tend to eat a lot.

Today’s invention offers a way to achieve the deterrence which a large dog provides, if you only have a tiny terrier.

It consists of a neck-mounted loudspeaker which boosts the bark volume of a small dog, whilst also lowering the frequencies associated with its yapping.

(This would probably require a loudspeaker horn, so that the noise would project forward so as to not scare the dog with its own bark).

When I travel, I sometimes use tear-open milk tubes.

Today’s invention is just a cute new way to market these, by forming an array of four such packets as if they were a cow’s udder.

This might amuse buyers, provide the manufacturer with an additional intangible asset and create an opportunity for higher value per sale.

Today’s invention is an attempt to lessen the burden of commuters who travel by tube/metro/underground train.

All such systems have escalators

Imagine if the escalators each have sensors to detect the static weight distribution of travellers (standing, as instructed on the right).

This pattern would be used to select a musical theme tune to be played on loudspeakers (for say one minute at a time).

Regular passengers might eventually be able to arrange themselves so as to choose the tune played.

I’m no proponent of the gambling industry, although I think playing games of chance, in which people are encouraged to assess risks, can be a good thing.

Notwithstanding all of that, today’s invention is a new way for people to lose their money.

Every time people visit the toilet in a casino, when they insert some cash in a wall slot and flush, the toilet handle acts as a one armed bandit, providing them with an additional gambling opportunity.

Fun fact: shoes were generally not made right or left ‘handed’ until about the 17th century.

Today’s invention is non-chiral shoes with personalised inserts.

Thus the tough outers would be twice as easy to make. Getting dressed would be less complicated. If you had an asymmetric wear pattern on the sole, alternating outers would counteract this (like swapping tyres) and prolong the life of shoes.

Inserts could be made, like F1 seats, by spraying foam into the gap between (bagged) foot and outer shoe. Throwing these away after several wearings, reduces the effect of stinking footwear.

Also, extreme style 😉

Surprisingly, autistic people tend to have multiple crowns in their hair.

Today’s invention is an overhead camera system which spots this as people walk into eg a shop and alerts the staff, via say a smartphone buzz, that they have to turn the music down and communicate much more clearly.

All those flashing lights and digital displays could also be subtly muted automatically. I’d certainly benefit from this.

In the sphere of non-lethal weapons, I want to create something that will make an assailant think twice, but not actually kill them.

One way to achieve this would be to make a blank round to be used in a conventional firearm but with very little propellant on board.

This would also incorporate a plug of heatproof wadding and some form of food substrate for insects.

When the gun is fired, the wadding protects a small package of insects (eg lice, fleas, ticks or small cockroaches) as they are thrown at the body of an attacker.

This would so distract them, via disgust/itching that the person under attack would gain crucial seconds and be able to sprint away to safety.

(This might also be achieved using a can of compressed air and a small reservoir of insects driven by entrainment into the air flow).

I’m interested in any processes that stop wars -without fighting, if possible.

One such approach is to deceive an enemy by using inflatable models of eg tanks.

Today’s invention is to equip real tanks with a rapidly inflatable outer skin, which makes them look like false, inflatable tanks.

This could be inflated using exhaust gas and would fool enough enemy reconnaisance observers to gain some kind of military advantage.

The material of this skin could be made to disguise eg the infra red signature of the tank within.

Today’s invention is a marketing tool for manufacturers of dirtbikes of all kinds.

It consists of a rear mudguard with a stencil of the manufacturer’s logo cut out of it.

Riders would be seen to ride through a pool of muddy water and emerge with the backs of their shirts ‘painted’ with the relevant logo.