#2489: Turret-Turn

I’ve searched for evidence that this already exists, but found none. Today’s invention is a part of gun control logic for military tanks.

When a tank commander selects a target, probably on a touch screen, the system calculates the fastest route to bringing the main gun around to a firing position.

There are three main components to be considered.
1) What is the current rotation rate and direction of the body of the tank?
2) What are these values for the turret relative to the main body?
3) what are the linear speed and direction of the tank body?

Using these values, the system may choose to send power to the sprocket wheels and/or to the turret drive motion. The system works out whether it’s faster to go anti-clockwise or clockwise and selects the various motor settings accordingly.

Since it also understands inertia, the computer dedicated to this modelling task will take account of the need to slow the barrel’s rotational and translational speed, at the end of its movement, so that its time-to-target is minimised.

The crew would probably need racing seats with extra padding, to cope with the sudden changes in speed and direction.

#2488: Mobile bikepark

Motorcycle theft is a huge problem, especially in cities like London where the Police can’t pursue thieves since that would pose a danger to the public.

Many crimes occur when a thief uses a cordless angle grinder to cut off the lock from the brake disc on a motorcycle, so chaining your bike to a lamppost is just not secure.

We are always being told about how we must welcome autonomous vehicles. Not me, but today’s invention employs them on behalf of bikers.

A rider arrives in a city and makes a call. Within a few minutes an armoured, autonomous truck arrives and a slot opens in the side. The rider’s machine is rolled inside, the slot locked and the truck drives away.

The truck then circulates slowly until it receives a call to drop off or collect another bike. There is no way to hijack this machine without a main battle tank.

All the calls are encrypted, so that thieves can’t just call up a truck and ride off on somebody else’s bike.

A different drop off point is arranged by phone and the truck will require biometric verification of the receiver. It will also film the scene to ensure that he/she can get away unmolested. These trucks might also offer a safe place for a biker under threat, as well as supplies of emergency fuel.

#2487: GroutGuard

Look closely at this shower cubicle and you’ll see how much I dislike cleaning the bathroom.

Anything I can do to avoid that horrible black grime building up on the grout is a win, as far as I’m concerned.

Today’s invention offers a simple, cheap way to keep your washing facilities pristine with minimal effort.

#2486: RimBlings

Wheels on cars are a huge business. Just like spoilers and exhaust systems, people get very emotional about the design of their spinning rims.

Today’s invention is a new way to add a bit of extra drama to this discerning marketplace.

Imagine a wheel which can be attached to the hub as usual (with B on the outside) or attached to the same hub but ‘inside out’ (with A on the outside). This used to be common enough but, with the rise of super elaborate multi piece alloy rims, the practice has largely ceased. Most wheels have a second grade surface where hub meets wheel, but this need not be the case and a protective pad could easily be inserted there.

The benefits come from the asymmetry: having A be the outward side increases the track of the car (eg for race use). It also provides a much more dramatic ‘stance,’ without the usual spacers. Faces A and B could also sport different colours (perhaps using a body-colour wrap on one of them). One might be spoked and the other dished.

Cars like mine which has massive rears and smaller front wheels could get away with four identical wheels, attached with narrow-track in the front and wide in the rear. The only constraint is that the wheels would still have to avoid collision with the suspension and fit over the brake callipers, of course.

You’d also have to be a bit canny when using wheels with inherently directional treads.

#2485: ShrinkSkin

If you ignore the closed-cockpit record breakers on Bonneville flats, motorcycle aerodynamics is a field which has been largely neglected. It’s just hard to do much modelling of a system whose entire geometry is changing every few milliseconds.

There are however some obvious bloopers to avoid. The first of these is the flapping dewlaps of leather which tend to increase drag on riders -even in race-tight, in one-piece suits. Some examples can be seen in slow motion here.

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Today’s invention is an improvement to race suit streamlining.

Just before a race, a rider gets on his/her machine. A vacuum pump is attached to a valve in the back of the airtight suit, which evacuates it like a coffee pack. A plug is inserted in the inlet and sealed, so that the armour segments are more effectively attached to the body.

The suit would incorporate small stretch panels to allow a little body movement for weight transference on the corners (and occasional breathing). A cold water bladder would be worn on the inside of the abdomen area of the suit to help reduce body temperature in the absence of ventilation. Thus there would be no spare leather to flap around and slow these heroes down.

#2484: RetroLead

How many dog walkers have been injured by their substantial canine deciding to suddenly leap in the direction of some squirrel/small dog/rabbit?

…Dog sees small dog across road and leaps toward it…Hand holding the lead tenses and yanks shoulder joint…Shoulder reflexes snap all the ligaments taught…Nerves get stretched. (You can buy spring inserts but these don’t stop a dog walker being jerked off his/her feet).

It’s happened to me twice, resulting in some reasonably serious damage.

Today’s invention is a safety device designed to prevent injury to both dog walkers and their daft animals.

When an impetuous pet leaps away with a force great enough to tear a plastic restraint (pink), a small charge, as in an automotive airbag, fires backwards as shown. This causes the dog’s chest harness to stop the animal in its tracks, without placing stress on the owner’s arm. The internal cable (blue) maintains the link with the dog (but without snapping taught).

(It might work best if the charge were actually based on compressed air that the user could recharge after each use).

#2483: PlushPushes

It’s very easy for folk who want to help roll a broken-down classic to the roadside to seriously damage the paintwork or even dent the panels by pushing in the wrong places.

Today’s invention is for the very few who own cars so exotic that, when they break down, they must be handled with kid gloves.

So, imagine that the owner pulls from his or her boot a set of foam pads with embedded magnets (sorry, if you have carbon fibre bodywork, it’s quite tough enough to stand some pushing).

These are tailored to fit the panels exactly in especially strong locations. The magnets hold these pads firmly in place but don’t directly contact the paint.

Each pad has two, hand-shaped recesses, to ensure that people only shove the right areas. Some, for example those fitting on the doors with the windows down, could have handles embedded to help with pulling.

#2482: PressurePod

When taking handheld photographs, you often have to hold your breath and brace, whilst also clutching a heavy camera. This can be tiring to do all day and undermines a photographer’s concentration and artistic input.

Photographers commonly wear multi-pocket vests and today’s invention is such a garment but one which pressurises itself to act as a semi-rigid platform. This could most likely be achieved using the self inflation equipment from a life jacket.

When you press the focus button, a small carbon-dioxide cylinder would fill the vest. That would compress your torso and help steady you for the shot -without having to keep tightening your stomach and chest muscles.

It might even have bags under the armpits to help support the camera’s weight. Once rigidified, a gibbet attached to the vest could be used to support the weight of the camera using the torso as a stable platform.

Throughout a day-long shoot, the vest could be repeatedly deflated a little and then topped up using a foot pump, for example.

#2481: AmplerCamper

I don’t much like caravans (or camper vans, if you prefer). This is probably because, when driven on twisty UK roads, they tend to attract bad drivers who cling to their back ends and are afraid to overtake the combined length of van+car.

Nonetheless, I am a huge admirer of applied mathematicians. Today’s invention relates these diverse phenomena.

It seems that mathematicians have been trying to find the biggest rigid shape which can pass down a passage with right angle bends in it. A near-perfect solution is shown in pink in the diagram.

Today’s invention is to create caravans which have this shape when viewed from above. This allows them to have the largest possible floor area, whilst also being able to negotiate the right angled corners of one lane of a city road network.

#2480: SaferScaler

One of the easiest ways to have an accident is to fall from a ladder. Often, this happens because the base is insecure.

Another serious danger is ascending past the point where at least one hand can grip the side rails. It’s always tempting to balance on the top rung and stretch to paint that last, high section of wall.

Today’s invention is a simple alternative design which overcomes this danger. The ladder has a section of rungs deliberately missing at the top end. You can stand on rung B and grip the rails at A but no greater height is possible.

If you need a taller ladder, then a sliding extension can be added in the usual way -to the bottom end.

Another advantage is that, at the end of the day, this design can be inverted and locked to eg a downpipe, making it impossible for burglars or children to ascend.

From a marketing point of view, this would be better portrayed as providing extra length rather than less. The de-runged bit could be painted a different colour.