Record companies are in trouble.

If they go bust, so they tell us, it will be the end of all music (not to mention civilisation as we know it). The reason is simple, they spent money on promoting pap, whilst forgetting about investing in product research. Think of any failing industry and that will probably be the reason. One of the product features they forgot about was security: too late now to pay those PhD’s to come up with secure DRM tools -way too late.

Today’s invention is an alternative approach to shore up the market position of big labels. Now that everyone can make multiple copies of all digital media, essentially for nothing, I suggest that a vital way to add real value is to offer personalisation.

People would be able to visit a website and mix their own, unique version of any recording in the catalogue (by ticking boxes for eg timed effects and adjusting processing sliders for each channel) . These would then be downloadable -on payment of a realistic price (perhaps a few dollars per track). Obviously the individual digital channel outputs and the tool itself would not be made publicly available.

Complete tracks would of course then be freely copiable, but real fans would still want their own personal version(s). The interface might also allow for a kind of karaoke, with the customer recording his/her own version in concert with the chosen artist(s).

Those record stores still in existence could provide advice services in connection with the use of the interface. Artists might even choose to meet, and perhaps duet, with fans who had made credible variants of their work.

My otherwise blameless copy of Ubuntu is running all the fans in my laptop as if it were still configured for Africa. This creates an unnecessary rustling noise that sounds like I’m on a flight back from there (actually my laptop never moves far from a wall socket, since its battery gave out).

The last thing I want at this point is to start plugging in various USB fan coolers: it needs its own aircon supply. On this theme, I notice that HP are rumoured now to be providing laptops with silent, liquid cooling systems.

I don’t imagine this will be available as a retro-fit, somehow.

So, today’s invention is a do-it-yourself alternative. I’ve placed my machine on an open Tupperware box so that air can flow in over the top edge via the gap left by the removed battery compartment. Into the box I place each morning a couple of those cold box refrigerant bricks. The air which enters the fan intake is thus up to 2 degrees C lower than ambient (and significantly less humid, judging by the condensation on the bricks). This situation can be sustained for about 1/2 day at a time, until the iceblocks warm up and need to be replaced.

It may not be all that convenient, but it is a cheap and silent life preserver for my hardpressed silicon/germanium.

I’ve been experimenting with a variety of different lacing patterns for my battered old New Balance trainers. I find that even though these are ‘H’ width fitting, my feet can still become seriously uncomfortable as they hammer the pavement and squish sideways. (I happen to have short, ultra broad feet with a very high instep).

In the end, I settled for a normal ladder type lacing pattern across the upper half of my shoes and no laces at all across the bottom half.

This actually works surprisingly well; holding the footwear in place whilst still allowing my feet to do their sideways squish on impact. It could still be better though.

Today’s invention is to make running shoes which have, say, eight sets of opposed laceholes, as usual, but instead of having one continuous lace per shoe, provide the wearer with eight separate lace loops. Each loop would join two opposite holes but provide 8 independent tensions across the foot. The loops could be held firm by a smaller variant on existing lace locks.

Although perhaps slightly more fiddly to tie up, these lacelets could provide a much more ‘tailored’ fit. For perfectionists, they might even be made available in different elasticities for different positions on each foot.

Everyone who has neighbours knows the annoyance that car and burglar alarms cause. Whether they ever cause annoyance to any kind of thieves is highly debatable, but they certainly never inspire me to call the police (since they are usually triggered by cats or rain). This is true even if they wake me at 2am and continue to ring until the batteries discharge (or the sun burns out -whichever seems to take longer).

Today’s invention is a simple remedy for we sleep deprived.

If people must fork out for alarms that are more expensive than the property they pretend to protect, I propose a small modification.

When you buy an alarm system, it should be equipped with a fixed limit on how long it will ring when activated (maybe 3 minutes, max). At the end of this period it would stop ringing and issue a verbal message which the owner could prerecord ( a little like an urgent form of answerphone message). This could be simply “Someone is interfering with Bill’s car” or “Call Hometown 236 1357” or even, for Texans “You are being observed through the sights of my Smith & Wesson…now git”.

Alarms might be made as personal and polyphonic as ringtones so that neighbours could decide whether to call police, based on how friendly the owner of a particular siren is.

I’m concerned about ‘soft’ drinks.

Leaving aside the stories of what Nutrasweet does to rats, even the effects which a canful of ‘natural, wholesome’ sugar has on my children are disturbing. These include being hyperexcited and completely incapable of focusing (especially on tasks which require even limited concentration). If you know children labeled as having ADD, then consider whether they are just taking too much sugar on board, before letting them be treated with Ritalin et al.

Today’s invention is a way to help wean children off highly-sugared drinks.

Each case of 12 cans or bottles would be identically branded as usual, but they would carry a small printed number from 1 to 12 on the outside. This would reflect the amount of sugar inside, so that when fed these, in order of decreasing sugar, young people could be weaned off that taste and associated rush.

It would mean manufacturers cooperating in filling cans appropriately and creating a ‘low-sweetness’ range of drinks onto which people could then migrate. This approach might be extended to eg alcohol content in a pack of beer (or even, heaven help us, caffeine content).