#565: Runway trains

When there’s a fire aboard an airliner, the people who are sitting on an aisle tend to have a much higher chance of escaping than those seated nearest to a window.

This is because airline furniture is very effective in obstructing people from moving about inside the fuselage: those who can migrate directly down an aisle seem to move very much faster. Today’s invention is a new arrangement designed to allow the easiest possible egress in the event of an emergency.

Each seat is already mounted onto a track fitted securely into the cabin floor. These rails could be fairly easily rearranged so as to form a layout something like a railway shunting yard. In the event of eg an emergency landing, passengers would remain strapped in their places. The seats would then all be mechanically released and free to move, on rollers, along the tracks. The tracks would allow seats to carry their occupants to one exit at the front and/or one at the rear where they would roll out and down inflatable chutes as normal.

Seats would be attached to each other by a cable (normally hidden in the floor). As the first seat is manually pushed overboard, it drags the next and thus all the passengers can be ejected in a few seconds. Injuries by impact with flying seats would be minimised by providing sufficient cable length between them (and possibly extra padding on the seats themselves).

#564: Screensayer

I have a screensaver program which dishes up images from our family’s photo collection, sort of semi-randomly.

Today’s invention is a system which attempts to listen, via a microphone, to conversations in the room and extract names which get mentioned. It would then refer to the tags in our photolibrary and display preferentially images containing the people named.

#563: Twovet

Drycleaning is costly and not very environmentally friendly. I can only guess how much chloro-fluorocarbon liquid is required to dry clean my double duvet, twice a year. The whole process of using volatile organic solvents in this way seems like a good way to kiss what’s left of the ozone layer goodbye.

Today’s invention provides a way to wash the said item in a domestic machine. Double duvets would be formed by poppering together, lengthways, two slightly wider than normal single duvets so that one overlaps the other down the centre of the bed. This unit would then be placed inside an outer cover and poppered in place around its internal periphery.

This would allow almost all the flexibility and thermal comfort of a traditional duvet, whilst allowing each ‘half’ to be washed separately.

#562: Ed-breaks

TV is so much a ‘lean-back’ experience that most people with a functioning cortex stopped doing it about five years ago.

Today’s invention is a set-top box TV add-on which senses when an ad-break is in progress and takes control of the display in order to insert web-based content instead. This could simply be static material, relevant to the preceding programme, selected from web pages using eg Autonomy.

A more advanced version might take the form of a simple quiz in which sentences from the dialogue of the programme just watched could be inverted as questions and displayed as on-screen web-based tick-boxes, selectable using the remote. Prizes could be offered for correct answers -which would increase the level of attention to programme content and lessen the waste of time involved in just passively watching television.

Engineering vs Inventing

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the differences between Engineers and Inventors.

Engineers have to do the tough job of making things work. When I was a child the people who were in charge of the local shipyard still wore bowler hats. These were the Engineers: the men who had the final say in terms of what was possible (there were no female Engineers then).

There has always had to be a big element of conservative caution in how Engineers do their work. When my family boards an aircraft, I want that put together by the planet’s most reliable people. And yet, the guy who first came up with the idea of powered flight was not a conservative thinker. The idea is one thing, actually taking off is another.

The people I know who style themselves ‘Inventor’ tend to have some personal attributes which are different from those of the Engineers I deal with:

Loners
Engineering is a team sport in which numbers of people, each with some technical specialism or particular experience, need to work together to design and build complex systems. Engineers will find it hard to find suitable technical challenges without being part of a team. Engineers mostly work for big organisations (sadly it’s often as employees in pseudo-military hierarchies) and tend to get narrower and narrower experience, making innovation more and more difficult. Their main enemy is boredom. It’s mind numbing for most engineers to have to deal with the nitty-gritty of contract negotiation for example. They therefore tend to shy away from dealmaking and, as long as the work is interesting, they will go along for the ride. Inventors, by contrast don’t tend to play nicely with others and are often highly tuned to the possibility of making personal wealth. Maybe they spend too much time around lawyers.

Resistant to education (and to conformity in general)
Engineers have to spend a long time being academically tutored and trained. Only then can they apply judgement, design codes, standards and recognised methods to enable effective implementation. As in any profession, novel thinking is often discouraged (despite what might be said to the contrary). Some of the best Inventors can be technically naive and spend time on ideas which Engineers could prove, from first principles, were groundless. Inventors however, almost never talk themselves out of trying things which look promising. This certainly leads to some waste of effort, but also allows exploration of areas where their professional brethren would choose not to go…

Here are some illustrations of the value of such naivete:
If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said ‘you can’t do this’.
Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M “Post-It” Notepads.

A man has been arrested in New York for attempting to extort funds from
ignorant and superstitious people by exhibiting a device which he says will convey the human voice any distance over metallic wires so that it will be heard by the listener at the other end. He calls this instrument a telephone. Well-informed people know that it is impossible to transmit the human voice over wires.

News item in a New York newspaper, 1868.

Very interesting Whittle, my boy, but it will never work.
Cambridge Aeronautics Professor, when shown Frank Whittle’s plan for the jet engine.

What, sir, would you make a ship sail against the wind and currents by lighting a bonfire under her deck? I pray you, excuse me, I have not the time to listen to such nonsense.
Napoleon Bonaparte, when told of Robert Fulton’s steamboat, 1800s.

When I attended College, as an Engineering undergraduate, I expected to learn a significant amount about the process of inventing. That didn’t happen, but now I’m putting together a Master’s-level course in Invention. If you know of anyone who would like to invest in, or host, such a venture, please ask them to get in touch via pra@break-step.com

#561: Plantplan

Plants seem to have all sorts of positive effects within working environments…it’s really not clear why, but provision and maintenance of such greenery is a massive business. Good gardeners can usually tell what plant to place where by intuition. Many shrubs have a very strong preference for suprisingly specific lighting conditions. This can make the difference between abundant, verdant leaf growth and an etiolated, parched stick. With the cost of plants quite high, it’s increasingly necessary not to have them just defoliate. I’m also sure having a corporate foyer full of dead leaves negatively affects the share price.

Today’s invention is a way to ensure that plants are optimally tuned to the local light levels within buildings.

Start with an architect’s ray-tracing model of a future (or existing) building to compute light intensities everywhere within a space. Link this to a horticultural database containing the detailed lighting requirements of a wide variety of candidate plants. Even if these data are not always available, it would be possible to generate more by having people in the plants’ countries of origin make measurements beside healthy examples (this might be done using a small array of photographic equipment). Then, each spot in an office could have a list of plants, happy to live there, drawn up.

This might be further refined by reference to an aesthetic model which would calculate what would be flowering when and avoid unfortunate juxtapositions of eg yellow and bluish petals.

#560: Unfurls

In the eternal search for that perfect domain name, memorability is a much-prized commodity. pa.com is cool: p.r.andrews-enterprises-limited2001.co.uk isn’t.

Even though new top-level domains will have to come on-stream, so that all those smartifacts can be networked, there will always be opportunities for enhanced functionality.

Today’s invention is a way to create ultra-small urls for your online stuff. You can tell people that your site is located at eg p~a.com. The ‘~’ is of course not legal within domains, but it’s a way of expressing the actual location: www.poiuytrewa.com -a name that nobody wants.

This allows a visitor to run their fingers over all the keys between the two end letters, according to a simple, fixed algorithm, and thus make use of a low-value domain name, expressable in a compact shorthand. So z~u.com would actually mean zxcvbhu.com (a little known Polish curse).

This approach could also be used by all those benighted individuals who think that keyboard shortcuts are a good idea.

#559: SpaceSpotter

There are already numerous clever ways to rent out a parking space on land you own. These days, the pressure on parking is so great that even more creative measures can be investigated.

Given the availability of communications, today’s invention is a system which allows anyone in a parking space to make a small amount of money (or phone credit) just by calling a certain number when they are about to leave their current spot. The information about this space is then provided to the nearest subscriber to the service who has just called the system to say they need somewhere to park. This assumes that everyone in the near future will have a GPS streetmap system on board their vehicle.

The usual Council/City parking fees would still apply, of course, but this extra charge would more nearly optimise the use of space and time in getting stopped near one’s urban destination. Subscribers could set triggers in connection with regular or forthcoming visits to some town, but they would still have to get physically near their end-point to be alerted to any suitable vacant bays (indicated on the screen of their in-car navigation device).

A more sophisticated system would require that a departer wait for an arriver before driving off, although that would require a recognition protocol which might be too socially complex to manage.

#558: Sentry-sight

I’m reliably informed that night-time sentry duty is particularly hard work if you happen to find yourself in some branch of the military. Needless to say, night is exactly when an alert watch is most required by one’s comrades-in-khaki.

Aside from the itchy uniform and the extreme boredom, sentries suffer from hallucinations. Nothing to do with a bracing pint or two in the mess, anyone who stares at a randomly textured field will start to see predominantly the faces of people and animal shapes. It’s not clear why, but if you look at white noise on a screen, viewed slightly defocussed, a similar thing happens (at about every third fixation).

Such visions are known to cause rookie soldiers, who have been watching a darkened beach or forest or field, to start firing -afraid that they are under attack by people they believe are real. Today’s invention attempts to overcome this (interesting) problem.

The sentry is equipped with a foot-operated switch which briefly activates a bright lamp situated at some distance from him and pointing in the direction of his view. This keeps him largely unseen, and may startle or blind any real assailants whilst destroying any illusory ones.

#557: Eazzypizza

Those circular-bladed pizza cutters just don’t work at all well. That sharp blade is just as likely to carve one’s fingers or drag splinters of the worksurface into your dinner. When trying to hack through a baked section of crust, armoured in pepperoni, the force required is quite enough to propel an entire pizza off the plate and into your lap.

So, today’s invention is a simple metal asterisk: a star formed from six (or more) metal blades joined at their intersection and pressed into a pizza base before it’s loaded with miscellaneous (undefined) toppings and placed in the oven. This would have saw teeth on the lower edges and thus nearly penetrate the base -dividing it into equal segments, pre cooking.

In a family in which appetities for pizza differ, the segments’ sizes could be made non-uniform, simply by bending the metal blades to different angles of separation or by placing the cutter off- centre on the pizza.

Before serving, each asterisk would be extracted for reuse, leaving easy-to-separate perforations in the doughy discus.