#1684: DisenGauge

From across the globe, we hear about train derailments almost on a daily basis.

Today’s invention attempts to lessen the severity of such incidents.

Each carriage would have some wheels at each end fitted with sensors which could detect when a wheel had lost contact with the track (a magnetic field sensor mounted in a radial recess on the rim would be sufficient).

When that happened, the coupling to carriages ahead and behind the derailing car would instantly break (perhaps even pushing away as they did so). All brakes would be automatically applied at the same time.

This would result in only one carriage leaving the track -without dragging several others with it.

#1683: Applookation

Those of a nervous disposition should look away now. It seems there is a subset of humanity, mostly females, who enjoy squeezing greasy spots.

Today’s invention is a touchscreen-based application designed to cater to such a minority interest.

A photograph would appear on-screen of one of a large collection of real spots and blackheads.

Squeezing the screen radially inwards towards the centre of each spot, would result in the display of an image of the spot’s contents expertly cleaned out (a suitably-realistic plopping sound effect could also be provided).

#1682: DriveDrones

Everyone is very concerned about pedestrians getting run over by silent, electric cars.

Today’s invention addresses another such problem of the future.

Drivers in general are increasingly insulated from their environment. Hearing other traffic noises and the sounds made by one’s own vehicle is essential to safe driving, and yet we can’t even open a window because of the volume of sound and the unpleasantness of the pollution.

I propose therefore to fit cars (including the quieter electric cars to come) with a set of microphones.

Some would be directed to listen to the sounds of nearby vehicles (especially over the driver’s shoulder). Others would provide realtime information about the sounds being made by the engine, gearbox, tyres and suspension.

All of these noises could be moderated electronically so that the cacophony was limited in the otherwise quiet interior.

These sounds would be played into the interior via directionally situated speakers -So that the sound of a car driving too close in a blindspot could be located and boosted in order to make the driver more aware of the potential danger.

#1681: Brrummbrella

Today’s invention is a replacement for those old solid wheels and pneumatic tyres.

Imagine the frame of an umbrella used as the spokes of a car’s wheels.

A segmented (blue) wheel rim supports solid (grey) tyres.

The wheel nut can be tightened or loosened remotely, allowing the umbrella skeleton to press radially outwards or relax slightly inwards very rapidly… removing the need for a conventional suspension system.

When a quick change of tyre is required, the nut is removed and the skeleton collapsed to allow a new tyre to be fitted easily onto the wheel segments.

#1680: SpringSpan

Today’s invention is a stupid river crossing using stunt driving and hopelessly elaborate technology (but I can’t help feeling there’s a good idea somewhere in there ;).

To get a car across a river:
Lock the coil in the position shown in the top part of the image and drive down it fast enough to loop the loop, stopping carefully before crashing into the door on the mid-stream end (think Italian Job).

Engage reverse gear so that the vehicle stays still and the coil threads its way across to the other side.

Lock the coil in place on the far bank and repeat the looping drive (this time forwards) before exiting through the end hatch.

#1679: SlitStreams

A friend mentioned to me yesterday that the passage of people through the railway station ticket barriers reminded him of Young’s slits experiment.

People do seem to collide a lot on the downstream side of the ticket barriers -even if they don’t actually reinforce or annihilate, the effect is to slow the movement through the gates.

Today’s invention is to extend the barriers into a ray pattern as shown.

This allows people to work out which direction they want to move, post-barrier, and visually select the stream in advance which will lead them there.

This means that to head left on exit, route a would be selected, not route b (which would cause the kinds of collisions which currently occur between people who emerge from the normal adjacent barrier channels, turn towards each other and then collide).

#1678: WheelShields

It makes me laugh when military vehicles get some super new high tech camouflage such as this, which leaves the wheels easily visible.

In fact, the circularity of armoured car wheels makes them easily detectable even by robotic sentries with image processing capability.

Today’s invention is therefore a set of irregularly shaped plates, each of which hangs from a pivot attached to the vehicle’s skirt, as shown.

This effectively hides the circular wheel shape, whilst not obstructing the suspension system.

#1677: SabreSafer

Kitchen knives are essential but they also may be employed as weapons by criminals.

Today’s invention is a mould in the form of a two-sided box, each side of which has an internal recess.

This makes it possible to place any knife in one side of the box, so that a short section of its blade lies above the recess. This depression is then filled with a cold-setting material (like the famous Sugru).

When the material has set hard, the resulting knife has a shorter exposed cutting edge, a large, rounded tip and a handle which is too large to grip comfortably enough to stage a stabbing attack.

There is also moulded-in a small secondary handle, with a deliberate stress-concentrating notch. This means that anyone exerting more than carrot-chopping force would find the handle breaking off in their hand.

(Repairing this would again just require more Sugru).

#1676: BidetBidet

Toilet brushes should really be banned on public health grounds.

Today’s invention is an alternative.

It takes the form of a directable nozzle fitted within the toilet bowl.

After an initial sluice from the cistern, as nornmal, this nozzle directs subsequent water flows to clean up the toilet locally, using a rollerball-type mouse on the cistern. Obviously, this would be impregnated with antibacterial agent.

A luxury version of the idea would be steerable, completely hands-off, using one’s smartphone.

#1675: Twainsaw

Today’s invention is a chainsaw in which the chain is looped so as to allow two stretches both to move in parallel towards the body of the machine.

This creates a V-shaped gap into which eg tree limbs can be fitted and cut more easily -because, being wedged in place, the pressure required to be sustained by the user is much less.

This allows a variety of sizes to be cut, with less effort, and also limits the size of cut, so that people aren’t tempted to take on redwoods (thus a) damaging valuable mature trees and b) burning out their motors).