#732: OrdaIN

How to get one’s message across to people who have a rapidly filling email inbox and a reluctance to open messages?

Today’s invention makes a new attempt to introduce some novelty to this endeavour.

Send the person an email entitled ‘Please turn on threading in your email program.’ Then send them a series of sequentially numbered messages, the titles of which form the message you want them to get, -but without their having to open any emails. Irrespective of the receipt order, the email program will place these in the sequence intended by the sender.

Although threading often imposes some kind of indentation on one’s message titles, it might also be possible to ‘draw’ an ASCII-art-like image by creating a roughly-aligned sequence of symbols in titles.

#731: Flashsnap

Having read some articles about law enforcement officials in various countries grabbing cameras from people who may have recorded bad behaviour by the officers concerned, today’s invention is a simple device to help avoid the truth being surpressed.

It consists of an optic fibre cable which runs up the sleeve of the photographer connecting the camera to a flash memory device worn under his/her armpit.

If approached to hand over the camera, it can be quickly detached without drawing attention to the stock of images which were automatically copied there as they were taken.

#730: Snowpage

For somebody who tries never to make hardcopies of anything, I seem to spend a lot of time thinking up ways to improve computer printer performance.

In order to save on the amount of paper that’s wasted, today’s invention is white ink. One’s printer will create a set of human-undetectable marks on every printed page. When that page is returned to the feed tray, it will be identified and the white ink applied, like Tippex, to the pre-existing letterforms (whose precise locations etc will have been stored in printer memory).

This whiting-out could occur in realtime ie with one old letter being ‘snowpaked’ over just before the new one is printed. Thus a single sheet of paper could be reused multiple times -as in a medieval palimpsest.

#729: Titanice

Springing a leak in the hull of a ship is generally a very bad situation; doubly so for a submarine.

Rather than just manning the pumps and stuffing wadding into a breach, today’s invention offers a new approach to the imperative of not sinking.

When some hull perforation is detected or reported, a small submersible is rapidly released from the body of the vessel and automatically driven across the hull to the approximate location of the hole (it could be clamped magnetically to the surface and positioned more accurately using standard subsea lights and cameras).

A powerful refrigeration unit on board this drone sucks in a stream of seawater and blasts out a jet of frozen particles which are directed to the holed area. These build up and form a coarse plug, durable enough to allow more effective repair (and, in the case of a sub, surfacing). Such a system could also operate inside a vessel, given enough space for the required plumbing.

#728: Ward-off

I’ve had more than enough cash extracted from me by Edinburgh City Council traffic wardens. The suggestion is no longer even being made that this funds some useful service or benefits the underprivileged: it just boosts the salaries of the usual crew of bureaucrats.

Today’s invention is a novel application for a handheld camera/printer device. This is intended to undermine punitive unreasonableness in areas where to park my overtaxed car I have to leave a visible paper ticket inside it.

To avoid paying, take a photograph of someone else’s ticket stuck to the inside of their window parked at some distance from your own vehicle (this might benefit from some reflection-reduction image processing). Now print out and place the bogus ticket on one’s dashboard.

No passing warden will be bothered to compare the details of yours with someone else’s.

#727: Securescreen

En route to Stanford University recently, I had to undergo fingerprinting at San Francisco airport, using one of those greasy little touchscreens the customs people use. I’ve been thinking about such screens a lot of late, especially in their role as data fusion tools, uniting information from the modalities of touch and vision.

Touch a part of this cameraphone screen, for example, and it can be made to focus in on that location.

Today’s invention is a touchscreen which unites these functions; providing conditional access to a subset of available applications. Press a particular location on the screen and it determines your identity before allowing you to use the functionality of the ‘button’ you are contacting -or not.

#726: Perforprinter

I recently read about De Laude Scriptorum, the book written about the art of medieval manual transcription which, ironically, was one of the first publications produced using the printing press.

Intrigued anew by the concept of printing I’ve been thinking about the many different techniques for saving ink…since it’s ink sales upon which the enormous computer printer business is based.

So, why use ink at all? Today’s invention is to create a monochrome printer which is more like a sewing machine. The print head drives a needle to create holes in the paper, the density of which corresponds to the required grey level. Using a matrix of tapered needles, each could be driven through the paper to a different distance, thus creating holes of varying diameter (corresponding to local greyness).

To view the ‘printing’ slip a black sheet of paper under the one being read. This makes use of only one side of the paper but there is no ink cost and the paper itself could be more effectively recycled without having been inked (one could even print conventionally, with ink, on both sides of paper that had been perforprinted previously).

#725: Frostblind

Just type the phrase “tonneau cover” into your favourite search engine and enter a new universe of ingenuity and seriously bad logos. Having recently carved myself a frost blanket for the windscreen on my car from a sheet of aluminised bubblewrap, it occurred to me that a combination of these two artefacts might be valuable.

Today’s invention is therefore a rollerblind which sits in that gap between screen bottom and bonnet lid. When frost is anticipated, the blind is drawn up over the windscreen and clipped in place, covering it.

In the morning, unclipping the screen allows it to spring back into its housing, shedding any ice as it does so, and allowing you to drive off with significantly less de-icing to do.

#724: TextMatch

Team games, such as football, and cricket often have a man-of-the-match award. Today’s invention is a way to update and democratise that process.

People who have bought a ticket for some match using their mobile could, during a game, be allowed to text the shirt numbers of their favourite players on the day, in order of preference, to a telephone number set aside for the purpose.

The preferences could be displayed, in realtime on a screen within the ground, indicating how each player was performing, in the view of the paying public. This might cause managers to make substitutions in response to public opinion and exhort players, low on the scale, to greater efforts.

Such data could even be gathered from match to match and help influence the salary and transfer fees associated with any given player.

Statu Pupillari?

It concerns me that Universities are now being expected to act as sources, sometimes the only sources, of invention. I don’t really see this as their job (which is surely about discovering and communicating new knowledge). The argument runs along the lines of

“We taxpayers spent a huge amount of money on research and so now it’s time that it resulted in lots of jobs.” It doesn’t work like that at all, but many of our politicians act as if it did. Universities, for the most part, screen out inventiveness…it’s very hard to get a draft paper or a grant application through the peer review process (especially when it’s all anonymous and so supports gutless competitive sniping).

One of the most irritating recent developments is that Universities are starting to claim ownership of their students’ intellectual property by default. Let’s leave aside, for the moment, the discussion about whether IP can be meaningfully defined (it’s obviously not the same as other forms of property). I’m hearing stories on campuses about Universities which, when they allow a graduate student to matriculate, assume ownership of everything which they think up during their time at the Institution. Undergraduates aren’t yet included in this process, but they may well soon get trapped too (I just came across this article which says that US Universities demand to own even undergraduate inventions…despite the rates charged by these institutions for access to tuition and facilities. This is bare-faced, short-termist profiteering -Universities don’t make people have ideas).

A student appears, filled with enthusiasm at getting a place on an interesting Master’s or a high profile Doctoral programme. They are routinely asked to sign lots of administrative forms (with no independent guidance). One of these will, either implicitly or in small print, be an agreement that the University owns all their intellectual output until they leave.

The law, in the UK, says that employees have no choice in this. You sign up to get a salary and they own what you create (at least if it’s related to what they pay you for, even if you do it at the weekend). I think that’s unfair but at least it’s clear (and these days, some farsighted employers are beginning to understand that a meaningful revenue sharing scheme is a good way to motivate smart employees). Postdocs? Guess what, you have to do the dirty work with little chance of a real job and they own everything you think up.

Graduate students aren’t employees, however. They don’t in general get a salary, nor do they therefore have employment rights. I was once discussed, in a University committee, as “having ideas incompatible with my status as a research student.” As if there are some modes of thought only accessible to Professors…how patronising. It is true that a graduate student may be sponsored by some business and receive direction and support from an inspiring supervisor. Whenever that’s true, then certainly all parties must share in any profit from the ideas generated. Universities often offer revenue sharing schemes (although the deals on offer look like nothing that anyone would negotiate on their own behalf, being laughably one-sided). They may also provide a measure of protection for graduate students who might be accused of infringement by eg some patent troll or nowinnofee attorney. Inevitably, this would result in an out of court settlement, (ie goodbye IP) since UK universities have always backed down from such litigation.

The real issue I have with this process, which is becoming increasingly common as Universities scrabble to do whatever Government tells them, is not even the sleight of hand at matriculation -it’s the inbuilt assumption that a University can somehow make money from its students’ inventions…that it understands how to…that it has the grit and focus necessary to do so. This is usually fantasy and the financial data on exploitation support this conclusion. That is exactly why certain Universities, the ones with business ability, are now forming their own commercialisation companies, free of academic control.