Category: Possible inventions

We are surrounded by more (magnet-containing) motorised devices than ever before. From cameras to pedal bins to door mirrors to catflaps (I haven’t mentioned these for a while, so I thought I’d grab the opportunity).

We are also increasingly reliant on magnetic storage devices, but these two technologies tend not to work well when in close proximity to each other.

Today’s invention is an alarm which is activated when a significant magnetic field moves near to your credit card or your laptop’s hard drive. It takes the form of a low-cost, stick-on patch containing a copper wire coil.

If someone happens to dump an alternator on the desk beside your patch-bearing wallet, the magnets it contains would induce a small current within the coil: enough to trigger another circuit of the type used in those annoying musical christmas cards so that an alert note sounds (or a quick burst of Silent Night, if you are doubly unfortunate).

This would be made sufficiently sensitive to the arrival of a strong magnetic field that the alarm sounds before damage can occur to the (usually less sensitive) system which is to be protected.

A variant on this patch might also be developed which reacted to high levels of magnetic flux variation; such as that which is sometimes suspected of damaging cell development in young children living near electricity transmission pylons.

Today’s invention was going to be a new way to ensure that the crud which clogs every multiblade razor was no longer a problem. I’ve had to accept that the build-up of this debris is currently a too-hard problem and also that it’s actually a big part of the razor business model: people won’t throw their blades away so quickly if they can clean them out (despite ‘developments’ like the flexible cleaning bar and the scraper).

Instead therefore, today’s invention is a much less ambitious tool, which enhances the established business model of disposable, expensive aftermarket refills.

Each razor unit would now be sold with a void in the handle into which a small vial of shaving gel could be inserted (this might then be diluted by adding eg hot water). This works in the same way that a toothpaste pump does. Activated by pressing the blade unit to the face, gel is gently squirted onto the face in front of the blade.

The gel might also contain some bicarbonate to give a refreshing “phizz-shave experience” (TM) -or not. Perhaps this fizziness could also help reduce the concretion of debris and allow running water to actually wash away some of the muck.  A weakly endothermic fizzing reaction would not only cool the skin, reducing any tendency to razor rash, but also cause the facial hair to stand on end and make for an even closer shave (or at least a more colourful marketing message).

It may be possible to arrange that only a very thin film of soap is applied to the skin, via this controlled delivery method, thus creating less debris and prolonging the life of the shaver itself -so that customer dissatisfaction is reduced to a manageable level.

This also means you never have to carry a giant aerosol with you when travelling and allows the manufacturers to charge even more for their shaving accessories.

Vehicles with the wrong tyre pressures endanger everybody. Maintaining the optimal set of working pressures to ensure reliable braking is both quite complex and a real pain. It’s hard for the average driver to sense when they need to go and crouch in the rain with that filthy airline (that costs money) -and of course no-one wants to.

Today’s invention addresses only one part of this composite problem: the issue of unbalanced tyre pressures.

Two cameras (with low-voltage illumination), or perhaps one camera + one mirror, would be located in advance of each fuel pump at service stations. They would automatically grab an image of each wheel as a vehicle passes. These images would be linked to the correct vehicle by taking into account the timing of their transits past the camera…without any need to worry about precise spatial alignment of anything).

It’s comparatively easy to find the (high-contrast, rotationally-symmetric) shape of a wheel within a tyre using image processing. This would allow the height of each wheel above the forecourt to be precisely compared. It would also be possible to quickly superimpose all four tyre outlines for any signs of comparative distortion (due to load maldistribution, for example).

Significant differences in contact pressure with the road could thus be detected and a message displayed at the pump in time for the driver to do something about it before driving off.

Despite their pretensions to ‘advanced logistics’, I often see the front, truck sections of articulated lorries speeding around the UK without their trailers. Given the amount of griping which the cost of fuel provokes in lorry drivers, I’m very surprised that they are content to race about in possibly the least aerodynamically efficient vehicle possible. The technical term is a ‘flat-plate.’

A great deal of research work has been done which addresses the fuel efficiency of the whole artic, but very little which aims to help any truck unit finding itself, somehow, at the wrong end of the country without a load.

Today’s invention attempts to lessen their fuel bills. Each truck or tractor unit would be equipped with a fold-out rigid enclosure, deployed from the back of the cab-over-engine unit when the trailer was detached. This might be inflatable or made from some kind of stressed skin over a frame -like a spring-loaded, self-erecting tent.

This would have the effect of smoothing the aerodynamic profile of the vehicle so as to more closely resemble the ideal ‘teardrop’ shape. Each system could be suppled and fitted, I reckon, for around the price of a couple of tanks of fuel.

Everyone in retail knows that people tend to buy more when items are stacked in apparent profusion…no-one is sure why.

But stacking stuff up in-store is a waste of time and it increases both breakages and shoplifting.

So, today’s invention is to use a bank of hinged mirrors to make a compact, multi-image display of each stock item for sale in a store. Want to change the entire display? -just replace that one cup or that one packet of cornflakes.

Shoppers don’t have to carry items around the store, which may make them inclined to buy more (a la IKEA). All they have to do is make a note of the things they want and request these to appear at the checkout.

An electronic request mechanism could be provided, by which customers click a button at the display and have a warehouse picking process automatically start up, so that the waiting time at the checkout is minimised.

As the owner of a laptop which had begun to sound like a jetplane at takeoff, the issue of quietening such machinery has been at the forefront of my mind (or at least my auditory cortex).

The various sources of online Ubuntu help were scoured (thanks, K) for insights into how reduce the fanspeeds without frying the chips. This was pretty successful but it left me wondering what I had to do to get absolute silence.

Today’s invention is to supply each laptop (or desktop box, come to that) with an antinoise generator. Given that the fans tend to have a very small number of operational speeds, it should be possible to tune an antinoise system to cancel each of these quite effectively…so that even if you happen to find yourself solving 3-D acoustic wave equations, the machine can stay silent and still not melt.

No need for aftermarket hardware of course -simply record some fan noise samples, invert the amplitude (you might get away with a simple phase shift of 180 degrees, if you have a pitch-perfect machine) and play it back through the speakers.

Probably a good idea to run a synchronisation program once at startup, and only periodically thereafter, to account for drift and changes of fan speed (running a big dsp program continuously in the background might rather defeat the purpose of the exercise).

Today’s invention is inspired by the creativity of the people at Funky Moves Ltd, who are working to reduce childhood obesity by making exercise interesting.

It occurred to me that, as a fat 10 year old, I was always reluctant to take much part in the chasing games which engulfed the school playground at lunchtime. I therefore suggest the creation of a small team of moving robots (such as I crudely simulate using Starlogo).

Those children who wanted to take part could each be equipped with an RFID tag. They would then be chased by the team of collaborating Chasebots (they needn’t look menacing, perhaps the children themselves could paint covers for them).

When a child’s tag came within a certain distance of a bot, the tag would register this (‘YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED, JOHNNY B OF P4’) and invite the child to become a chaser.

Over time, the team of bots would get to know which kids were easier to catch and adapt their strategy accordingly to help optimise the fun/exercise for individuals…staying in (slow) pursuit of a Bunter or flocking to corner a Billy Whizz. They might even sense when a child was not running as hard as usual and ask if they were ok.

Students of art come in two flavours. Those who learn about the works of artists and write essays explaining their significance for the psychosexual politicisation of the protocapitalist demographic -and those who learn to actually do the art part.

My small theory of art is that it’s for communicating an emotional state between people in a more direct way than saying “You know that Spanish Civil War thing, it really makes me pretty angry.” Good art therefore successfully communicates what the artist was feeling.

Anyway, today’s invention is for those who would like to participate in the creation of an artwork. Imagine a famous artist working at a digital easel. He or she is using a special mouse which glides over a drafting tablet supporting the artist’s wrist. on top of the mouse is a small ‘inkwell’ device which houses the drawing pen and which allows it to move both axially and at angles to the tablet.

As the artist draws, his movements and tool selections are stored digitally. These data can be communicated electronically to a similar mouse, either in real-time or years later. Each similar mouse/pen combination will have motors on board to allow it to follow exactly the nuanced movements of the expert. In this way, students can literally begin to feel something of the process of creating the work. In years to come, they will be able to experience this in connection with generations of new Old Masters.

Is it too crazy to suggest that this represents some kind of consciousness sharing tool -even more direct than the resulting picture could be? Also, who owns all that copyright ? ; )