#337: Soccer handsocks

Not that I care much for football, but I do get disproportionately annoyed by ‘professional’ footballers who are allowed to break the rules by tugging at each others’ shirts.

Nothing at all wrong with shouldercharging, but dragging back a player because he’s beaten you, should really be a sending-off issue.


Today’s invention is a way to overcome this form of cynical rule breaking. All professional (outfield) soccer players would be equipped with a mandatory pair of mitts before each match. These would be stretchy and breathable but would restrict the fingers and thumbs into a loosely-closed fist, enveloped in a continuous fabric sheath. It would be like wearing several very thick socks on each hand -thus preventing them gripping anything.

Players could still lift the ball (using spherical, apparently thumbless hands) and perform throw-ins but without the ability to impede the opposition.

The name of the game is football, after all.

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