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Today’s invention is a way to enhance the gamification of various online activities.

Imagine a group of people whose machines are connected to the Internet via a single router.

This device has the ability to apportion to each of these players a fraction of the available bandwidth -in real-time.

The system could be made to react to the speeds with which the individuals perform some set task…the fastest people ‘win’ some extra bandwidth. Or, it could be used to help support the performance of those who were slow when undertaking some particular type of work.

Access to network speed in multi-user activities could in itself fulfil the role of a reward for achieving certain goals within a game or work-related setting.

Tanks are always in need of somewhere to hide from eg predatory warplanes.

Today’s invention allows them to lurk underwater, without much additional kit to cart about.

A tank would drive into a body of water, and quickly switch off its engine. The crew would then open the breech of its main gun and use that as a way to get air from the surface -as well as being able to see above water using two wirrors attached to the muzzle and breech block.

Armoured vehicles could thus wait, undetected, underwater for significant periods of time.

Now that the space shuttles are being transported around the US piggybacking on 747s again, today’s invention offers a way to contribute towards the next phase of space exploration.

It takes the form of a novel payload container for the shuttle cargo bay.

This would be a pressurised cylinder with seating and facilities like an airliner. It would have windows that allowed occupants to look out through the ports in the shuttle’s sides. The container might even allow limited numbers of people to move from the airliner to the shuttle during flight.

Although it would go nowhere near space, passengers could legitimately claim they had flown aboard the space shuttle, get a certificate and be charged a large premium for the privilege.

Today’s invention is a toy car which contains an old-fashioned carpet sweeper mechanism.

As the vehicle is rubbed across the floor, so the rotating brushes sweep the usual debris, which playing children create, inside.

Each car could be weighed at the end of a week as a measure of its ‘mileage’ and a prize awarded according to the cleaning it had accomplished.

Buying a safe for domestic use is massively expensive (given that it will probably have to be built into a specially-created wall cavity).

Today’s invention is therefore an alternative. It consists of a replacement front door for one’s washing machine.

This looks no different from the outside, but comes equipped with a new, more secure lock and hinge mechanism, compatible with the existing electromechanics. The valuables are inserted through a watertight port into a hemispherical pod on the inside of the door.

The pod allows use of the machine to continue without either obstructing the door during loading or the washing when it is rotating. Some clothing will pass between the transparent door and the pod, so that it’s hard to spot.

Not only is the washing machine an unlikely place to store goodies (red), it can be left running when you go out, further camouflaging their location.

As everyone knows moving a dry machine is hard work. Moving one full of water and attached to the plumbing is a non-starter.

Today’s invention is inspired by a question in New Scientist (you will probably need a subscription to read this).

It seems that reams of paper don’t burn primarily because the paper is treated with “rutile titanium dioxide, one of the most fire-resistant substances known”.

So imagine fire doors which are made hollow, but with postal slots in their surfaces. This would allow spare paper to be stored, as blocks, conveniently until needed.

It would also allow paper waiting to be shredded to be kept in a secure place, inside firedoors, whilst actually doing something useful.

Furniture legs tend to dig into floor coverings and create craters.

Today’s invention is a coffee table which helps to avoid damaging the rug or carpet upon which it is placed (and without relying on big ugly discs under the legs of the furniture).

The table would would be constructed in a light wood and have perhaps four thin metal coasters set into the top surface.

When hot cups were placed on these (without saucers) each coaster would act as the hot reservoir of a small Stirling engine, built into the underside of the table.

The engines would drive casters so that the table would reposition itself a little, each time it was used, and thus save the floor covering (albeit at the expense of slighlty cooler tea).

Non-professional drivers frequently motor along with their hand resting on the gear lever.

This is considered poor practice, since in an emergency situation, both hands should really be on the wheel.

Today’s invention is therefore a gear lever knob which senses the presence of a hand on it and if it has rested there for more than a second or two (especially without changing gear) it will buzz and/or emit a beeping tone.

Today’s invention is a way to encourage people to wash their hands after using public toilets.

There are often just as many sinks as toilet cubicles, so why not site one sink inside each cubicle?

A user closes the cubicle door and if, when they open it again, they have not run the tap for at least 30 seconds, a light switches on over the door -together with a loud message of admonition ‘Washing your hands helps protect everyone’s health, bozo.’

(Ok, maybe not the last part, but you get my drift).

Despite the damage it no doubt does to the environment, by pumping out carbon dioxide, I do like my wood burning stove.

I don’t like the job of starting fires though -especially the business of needing wood of different sizes on hand as kindling.

Today’s invention is a way to use the fire to generate its own kindling for the next day’s fire lighting.

A copper bar within the fire is held in place by two levers. As the bar heats, two blades at the ends of the levers are forced into the ends of a log beneath the fire, splitting it enough to act as kindling.

Several such bars could act simultaneously on several logs.