Just as golf isn’t a sport (in my opinion) neither is snooker.

Today’s invention is intended to inject games like pool, snooker and billiards with some extra interest -by providing the table with an element of variability which requires the players to detect this and play accordingly.

Each table would be equipped with a number of domed rods capable of being driven vertically upwards by no more than 1mm or so from beneath the baize. This height distribution would be determined at random before a game and controlled by an integrated computer.

Players would compete to play as normal a game as possible on this slightly undulating surface. Requiring a greater understanding of a more complicated, 3-D dynamics, this would lessen the tendency for one player to get on a roll and play uninterruptedly for very long periods.

Crisp packets are designed with a foil lining to ensure the product stays fresh.

Today’s invention is to add some novelty to a rather conservative market segment by making more use of the metallised bags.

Fill them with helium and sell them, like balloons, attached to a string.

Helium wouldn’t stay in the packets nearly as long as air is kept out, but, given the small weight of product per bag, imagine the advertising benefit to the company that tries this out first of having people walk back from the shops with their brand held aloft.

Now that we have GPS and relatively cheap UAVs, today’s invention is to unite these technologies to provide peer-to-peer package post.

Fire up your personal UAV quadricopter, and supply it with your friend’s address. Attach a package and the UAV will travel straight to the target postcode using GPS (avoiding trees, buildings and paragliders).

On nearing the destination, it will detect the wifi generated by the recipient’s hub and travel along a line of increasing signal strength until it messages the receiver who will emerge to collect the package.

Today’s invention is a tool for pouring the perfect pint/ glass of champagne.

A transparent cylinder rotates about the dotted centre line, at a fixed speed, and moves a glass and bottle, set in grooves on its inner surface, so as to pour out the contents in a very controlled way.

This would probably work best as an advert in a bar window.

Today’s invention is a way to improve the fitness of occupants of a skyscraper or tower block.

At, say, the seventh floor, the lift controls would only allow the lift to be called to travel to floors 9+ say and 4- to stop anyone using it to travel up or down only a small distance (buttons labelled 9,8,7,6,5 and 4 would simply be omitted or covered on that floor).

This would encourage people to make those small journeys via the stairs.

There would need to be a dedicated, keycard-access lift for disabled people in the building.

I’m always impressed by people who make working technology using junk.

Today’s invention is a bikeframe that can be built using a few planks and a hinge or two.

Three wooden triangles (blue and grey) made of planks, or whatever else is lying around, are bolted together and hinged where they meet (blue/grey interface).

You get some odd handling but your cerebellum will solve the dynamics problem quickly and your wallet will appreciate not having paid out £2k for the latest highly-stealable, magnesium/duralumin, hand forged sculpture from Cremola or whoever.

We can only pay attention to a limited range of events -our sensory systems screen out vast amounts of information from conscious experience all the time.

Some folk resort to recording their entire life using movie cameras etc, but frankly, life’s too long for that nonsense.

Today’s invention is therefore a way to keep up with the stuff which happens around you but of which you are unaware at the time.

It consists of a microphone which feeds a big capacity recorder -but between the two a rapid speech recognition algorithm runs. The trick is that only words and phrases which go unrecognised are recorded. In this way, anything unusual, novel, weirdly pronounced, inaudible or said in a foreign language/accent will end up as a significant, cumulative addition to your life record…and can be interrogated later to help you keep apace with developments in a fast moving environment.

Isn’t this how children work, after all, when they are soaking up everything that’s new and interesting -whilst ignoring the commonplace?

People get cameras stolen all the time. Today’s invention is a security feature which attempts to make them useless to thieves.

Each digital camera would require that the first picture taken after switch-on was of the owner’s face. It’s relatively easy to make existing on-board face recognition work well when required to know one face reliably. (It might be possible to require snapping something else known only to the owner, such as a particular watch face or a page in a passport).

If the first picture is something else, then the camera would automatically shut down -making the theft of cameras pointless.

In football, controversy rages when it isn’t clear that the ball has crossed the goal line ‘with its full circumference’.

Leaving aside that the ball is unlikely to be exactly spherical when kicked, today’s invention is a low-tech way to remove any such doubts (FIFA is notoriously conservative about the adoption of anything newfangled, even when its absence makes this low-scoring game look ridiculous).

Instead of nets behind goals (which flap and raise more doubts about where the ball actually went) a flat sheet of perspex is fitted exactly one ball diameter behind the line. The sheet is provided with a weatherproof perspex box and coated with eg Vaseline or other waterproof gel (so the action can still be seen from behind the goal).

All this fits into a frame on the goals and would probably be no more expensive than nets anyway.

When a score is in doubt, the referee need only inspect the Vaseline on the sheet for any marks. If there are any, a goal is awarded and a new sheet slotted in.

Two such perspex sheets could be used even in Sunday league games with one sheet being recoated whist the other was in-goal.

I always admire those people who manage to complete a marathon wearing a styrofoam rhino suit (or equivalent) for charity.

Today’s invention is inspired by this but with a practical edge. Training outside in winter is unpleasant for runners. Here therefore is a light, aerodynamic plastic shell designed to keep the weather off whilst still allowing free arm and leg movement (but without the drag forces associated with running movements).

It achieves this by being attached to the wearer via a cycle helmet (blue). The shell also contains several helium-filled mylar balloons (grey) to further lessen the weight.

There would also need to be vents to regulate internal temperature. The shell itself would be a good place to carry the emblem of your charity of choice of course.