I came up with today’s invention a few weeks ago in connection with my joint column with Mark Sheahan.

It comprises a drink container which is secreted within a racing cycle’s seatpost.

This could allow drinks to be carried on indoor tracks (which is currently forbidden, due to the danger of spillage).

It also eradicates the drag which would be caused by an external bottle and makes it much less easy to steal the container from a parked machine.

Today’s invention is street advertising hoardings which get themselves pasted online too.

Adverts on street-level billboards would have a dotted line figure (or figures) included.

People would have their photo taken in this amusing or incongrous setting, so that the image would be posted on say their facebook profile and shared.

The reposting of the image would allow many more people to see the original poster. This process could also result in prizes for those appearing in the most popular images of a given advertisement.

Another version might allow the facial feature distribution of a person imaged to be used as a code to select some additional message or bonus content to be injected into the final, online image.

It appears that the world (or at least some US states) is about to allow driverless cars onto its streets.

Today’s invention is to take that to another level by introducing riderless motorcycles.

These could be used in a number of roles. First, they might be employed to deliver packages quickly between offices, using much less fuel than a car and without creating traffic jams (bikes would probably be electric, gyro-stabilised and designed to prevent humans climbing aboard).

Second, they could be injected into motorway traffic streams and, by coordinating their speed adjustments via radio, help smooth out the waves of braking and acceleration which lead to tailbacks and collisions between human-driven vehicles.

So many things are now being gamified -in the sense of having ongoing performance ratings displayed publically.

Today’s invention applies this concept to anyone with the urge to wear a uniform.

Scouts, soldiers, police officers and royalty would be equipped with uniforms on the outside of which there would be the outlines of all the awards, badges and decorations they could be awarded.

A corporal would thus wear a single stripe attached within the outline of a sergeant’s three.

All personnel in an organisation would have the same complete set of stencilled markings in order to communicate the idea that even the lowliest member can gain all the available rank badges and bravery decorations.

Justice must be both done and seen to be done.

Apparently, however, when judges are hungry, they are much less likely to eg grant parole.

Today’s invention is therefore a way to lessen the large fluctuations which have been measured in judicial opinion.

Before passing judgement, lawyers could require a judge to self-administer an electronic test.

This would take the form of a games console which would run some perception/reaction tests and take a drop of blood to monitor blood glucose level (it might also be used to detect other substances).

If this, or the concentration test scores, had fallen below average for the individual, lawyers could ask that a court case be deferred until the judge had had lunch and a rest.

There have been lots of articles online of late about how Formula 1 drivers have special seats, designed, as everything in their lives, to satisfy their personal requirements.

Today’s invention is instead to equip open-cockpit race drivers each with an inflatable suit, which would completely take the place of a seat.

The suit would contain bladders filled with air, providing exactly the right level of support in all the right places.

This would reduce the weight in the car, provide extra lateral bracing during cornering as well as neck protection during braking.

The suit bladders would be deflated to enter the car and on sitting in the bare frame, they would be connected to a source of compressed carbon dioxide.

In the event of a crash, the air bags would help provide protection and certain bladders on the sides of the suit would automatically deflate -helping the occupant/wearer to get out rapidly (It might even be possible then to use impact energy to overinflate bags under the driver’s body, to help lift him out of the cockpit).

The gas would also act as an additional fire retardent.

We live in a sleep-deprived world.

People who travel by public transport often try to take the opportunity to fall asleep (fitfully) in transit, but they do so in fear of oversleeping their stop.

Even if there are audible station or bus-stop announcements, these are surprisingly easy to sleep through.

Today’s invention is a smartphone app which determines, using eg GPS, when its owner is within two minutes of his or her stop before buzzing a sharp, personal wake-up call.

Robot quadricopters can now be act cooperatively and fly in an aerobatic swarm (See eg this and this).

These developments open up the real possibility of today’s invention: a mobile, bullet-resistant shield for infantrymen.

Each member of a platoon would be assigned say five of these machines.

As he or she exited a helicopter or armored personnel carrier, their copters would take off from their locations on its surface and fly in front of the troops.

Each machine would carry a small shield, made of bullet resistant perspex. This would avoid obscuring the way ahead.

In the event of an attack, the copters would instantly react and cooperate so as to form the best possible defensive shield in front of the lead soldiers.

If any units were damaged, the others would compensate, giving time for a defensive response.

Audi once developed a safety system which moved the engine in a car during a crash so as to avoid impact with the occupants.

Today’s invention moves the engine and gearbox in a vehicle, but for different reasons.

As shown, the (blue) engine/gearbox unit is threaded onto a splined drive shaft and is free to slide along this axially within an enlarged transmission tunnel between the seats.

Its position would be changed using a worm/wheel combination and so the vehicle could automatically adjust its centre of mass from moment to moment according to the current dynamics (as measured by several accelerometers).

Cars would therefore be capable of sharper direction change, under better control than ever before.

In American football, controversy rages about the testing of helmets…ie which to assign the greatest ratings for concussion resistance.

When you crash your motorcycle, you throw your helmet away…assuming it saved your head.

Today’s invention adopts a similar approach to crashes on the gridiron.

The game stops so often and the players are swapped so frequently that each time a tackle occurs, anyone involved could be handed a brand new, high-specification helmet.

Frankly, the sport could afford this easily (even at school level). It would also allow players in major leagues to be seen more by their adoring fans.

In future, I could see these helmets being printed in 3D on the bench and designed to match perfectly the contours of the individual wearers’ heads.